Thus far in Albania, I've woken up in the knick of time to start ministry at 8AM. However, around 4AM today I was woken up by the buzzing sound of a mozzie flying too close my face. Nothing was going to stop this bug not even a couple half asleep swings. I rolled over & caught a glimpse of the sunrise. It wasn’t even 4:30AM & there was no going back to sleep at this point. I laid there wide eyed unwillingly listening to the buzzing. All of a sudden the wheels began turning in my head & it went a little like this…

“I need God’s love & it would be very kind to myself if I allowed Him to be my comforter… kinda like a double whammy."

*long pause*

*starts thinking about insecurities & where I’m seeking validation*

"SoOoOo I guess the times I’m lowkey seeking validation from people are the times in which I need God’s comfort THE MOST... because I'm possibly just looking for people to soothe my insecurities... but, actually ITS GOTTA BE GOD thats comforting me in those times…”

...What a loaded first thought of the day!!

Quick side note… yesterday afternoon I had a phone call with a friend. She challenged me to allow God to be my comforter & encouraged me to be kinder to myself. After our phone call I said a quick prayer along the lines of this…

“Thanks God for being my comforter… wait… are you even my comforter?….hmmm…do I even need you to comfort me… wait… do I even allow you to comfort me… well, where are we at with this…? 

I think what God is trying to tell me is that in moments in which I'm living out of my insecurities & seeking validation from others & not Him is when I can invite God to be my comforter. It would actually even be more kind to myself to ask God to be my comforter than to depend on others to be my comforter. If I allow myself to be comforted by the comforter Himself then I won’t need to continue waiting on others to temporarily soothe my insecurities. 

...so the day continues...

& its now 7:30PM & its the goldeniest golden hour! Theres mountains in my view! there air is cool & there's a constant breeze! I turn around & theres even a rainbow behind me! & I realize in that exact moment these are all things that bring me comfort…. ehem! GOD IS TRYING TO COMFORT ME IN THIS VERY MOMENT! I can hear him saying "Its me! Its me! I'm doing all this for you! Join me & let me comfort you!" & so I stand there with my peppermint tea in hand & smile because as my loving Father comforts me He draws me in into deeper intimacy with Him. 

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In Amanda fashion I made a super short playlist to expresses what my heart was sorta saying at sunrise & sunset. Listen here!