If you’ve been kickin’ it with me on insta, then you would know that several of my squadmates and I got COVID-19 within our first week in Colombia.
A lot of my time in quarantine was spent resting. I began to feel helpless. My body was aching, and there was nothing I could do to feel better. It began to settle in that I had no control over how fast my body was going to heal from the virus. All I could do was wait.
After a long morning of sulking, I was faced with a choice to either continue being mad about my situation or surrender the little control I had over to God. As easy as choosing option two was… it wasn’t. Not only did I have trouble turning to God, I couldn’t even find comfort in my squadmates. Each time I saw one of them, I would be reminded about the ministry opportunities I was missing out on.
In the past, releasing control hasn’t been a major challenge for me. I’ve always considered myself go-with-the-flow, and I’m genuinely content not knowing every situation’s outcome. However, this particular morning, choosing to surrender was so challenging. All I wanted to do was get myself out of quarantine. When that didn’t work, I wanted to hide.
Sometimes our hearts are so achy that all we want to do is hide. What I’ve learned is that it’s in these times that God is calling out to us. He invites out of the darkest part of our days and into the safety of His hiding place:
“You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble;
you surround me with songs of deliverance.”
(Psalm 32:7)
This past weekend during a time of debrief with my squad, we were led through a blindfolded maze activity. I volunteered to be blindfolded and soon was led outside to the maze. We were instructed to not walk over or under any ropes, nor speak unless we needed assistance. At that point, we would need to raise our hands and ask for help. I walked the maze several times, each time becoming more familiar with it. The longer I was in the maze, the more aware I became that the others were completing it. At the same time, I realized I was 100% enclosed. When feeling and visualizing my way out did not work, I raised my hand to ask if there was a way “around the rope”. The response was “no” so I continued to ask for hints. Each time the response was, “Are you asking for HELP?” And then it clicked. In all of my questions, I wanted to be the one who was completing the challenge, and I hadn’t straight up asked for help. So I finally did and was met with a hand leading me under the rope and out of the maze. I took my blindfold off, and there was the rest of my squad staring back at me.
This activity had me thinking about how many times we are in need and ask God specific questions. We put Him in a box and expect particular answers. For example, in the maze activity I was seeking help by asking for certain hints. When we don’t receive answers to the questions we’re asking, we attempt to solve our own problems. Perhaps, we don’t hear from God in these times because what He is trying to reveal to us may be different than what we are seeking. Have you ever considered that He might be wanting to talk to us about something other than what we are focused on? Perhaps, we don’t hear from God in these times because He is just wanting to spend time with us. Similar to the activity, He invites us to throw our hands in the air, surrender our control, and invite Him into our struggles.
When I think about who I give control over to in my life, my answer is split between myself and God. Some days I feel I know myself better than anyone and struggle to depend on God. I feel I’m my best savior because I’ve found enough strength on my own. However, I’m human and will fail myself. Other days I recognize where my strength comes from. I’m aware of who I am and who He says I am, thus, I’m solely dependent on Him.
So I sit here today recognizing that I’m the daughter of the One who orchestrates all things, and in discovering the fullness of my identity, I’m learning a more natural dependence on Him.
God, I come before you today in great need of your strength and grace. I want to be able to surrender everything to you. My desire is to give you my life and serve you. It says in your word we need to take up our cross daily. Give me the strength and wisdom to do so. That I wouldn’t hold onto anything so tightly that I lose sight of You. That I would walk with a surrendered heart towards you daily. Amen.
This is so very true. I am so proud of the connections you are making not only with people you encounter, but yourself with God. Love you!!
I love what you are learning and thank you for sharing with others. Praying for you and all your squad mates. Give Sierra a hug from me.
Infinitely proud of you
A lesson for me today. And so true. Thank you for these words.
May God bless you for the good work you are doing. Sandra